Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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