I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
