Non-Jews are for practice
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
