i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
