Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
