cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think i have herpe
just one?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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