I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
