every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
