next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
