seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Fuck appropriateness.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
