I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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