I wanna bring you to show and tell
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
