Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
