i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
