Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
