Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
