you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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