I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
