take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im holly from the hills drunk
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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