Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
