I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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