I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
