He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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