my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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