I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
