after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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