Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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