Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I AM VODKA MAN
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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