It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
