my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
