I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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