Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
