Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
