Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The best revenge is premature balding
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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