No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
