I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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