If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
