Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
