i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
