Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
