Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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