I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
