is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
