There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
