I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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