I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
