i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
