WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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