Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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