you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
