Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
this boner is exhausting
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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