yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
