Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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